Click here to visit the Beauty Brains blog.
Welcome to the new Forum. Please feel free to start a new discussion.
Need the advice of a hair professional whom works with color.
-
Because I'm at the end of my rope.
Now keep in mind my mom is a retired beautiction - however she did work in the 50s and 60s. She's also the cause of my problem.
I took over coloring my hair and like to experiment with different shades of blonde. No matter what the shade I always do my roots a slightly darker shade then the rest. To me this looks natural - roots come out dark and hair gets sunbleached. For the roots I will sometimes use medium, medium ash, champange, or natural blonde. For the lighter part I'll use either extra light ash, ultra light ash, or extra light natural blonde.
Since I started doing this I get a LOT of compliments - even from men! People will tell me at work "Your hair doesn't look as brassy anymore" or "your new color is so beautiful."
I also read in Charla Krupp's book on how to not look fat that you should do darker roots with lighter highlights to make your face look thinner.
However, mom HATES my new way of doing my hair. She insists that my eyes "don't sparkle anymore", that my hair "looks green", and that I should either do it all ultra light ash (like she used to) or actually do my roots lighter and do the rest darker! Which I think looks about as stupid as blonde hair with black eyebrows. When I brought up Mrs. Krupp's book she said "I never heard of her" and that "She must've got her degree from a box of Cracker Jacks." This from a woman who watches What Not To Wear - which I think is a stupid show. (I'm sorry, but Clinton and Stacy can barely dress themselves. Him with his sloppy untucked shirt under a vest and her wearing green when it makes her look like she's going into liver failure.)
Mom will drop the subject for a couple of months, then suddenly bring it up again. This last time, for instance, I did my roots extra light natural blonde and the rest ultra light ash blonde - both lighter colors, but the natural is slightly darker then the ash. She started in on me while we were on a brief vacation. (The Glenn Miller Orchestra was up in Palm Springs and I've always wanted to see them.) Kept telling me how horrible I looked. Really laying the verbal abuse on.
I know for a fact that mom won't listen to you folks either - she still won't believe that mouse I use is not as drying as she thinks it is for instance - but if I could have double reassurance that I'm doing this the right way - not just from Mrs. Krupp's book but also from someone whom works with hair and color - then it gives me a bit of mental armor against her tirades.
Please don't get the idea that my mom is some sort of horrible person. She can be very loving and supportive. However she thinks just because she's almost 70 that she's always right. Especially when she's wrong. And I'm at the point where I'm ready to shave my head and start wearing wigs. -
I am only a forum member. My only basis for what I say is my own experience. It sounds to me like you have a very specific way of doing your hair. Doing your hair that way makes you happy with your appearance. It draws compliments from others of both genders. So to me that is win-win.
I think maybe your mom feels a little threatened by your experimenting. After all you are changing the 'look' she gave you. Do you have a hairdresser who cuts your hair? Perhaps you could get his/her input on your color? Hearing the opinion of another professional may help matters with your mom. Then again it may just make matters worse.
For my own wavy/curly hair I use a semi-permanent color at home whose main purpose it to blend the white hair in with the rest of my hair. Since my hair grows fast I end up coloring every 4 weeks. I do mainly the roots to blend them in, but when I get finished my roots are still a little darker than the rest, just blended better. I agree with you that one color root to tip blonde looks all wrong. But then again to each her (or his) own. Some people like that look.
As to mousse I wouldn't think it would be drying to your hair. I personally don't like mousse because it makes my wavy/curly hair super crunchy when I scrunch with it. I use a combination of a clear gel and aloe gel for that purpose. No crunchy feel that way. Deep conditioning on a regular basis is important (probably preaching to the choir here).
I do watch What Not To Wear occasionally. I confess my favorite parts of the show are the hair and makeup. A fashionista I am not. -
Mom's the one whom cuts my hair. In fact, I've said several times I'd like to try a "fancy-shmancy salon" just once to see why they're suppose to be so great and she starts acting like I just suggested putting her into a nursing home.
-
Breaking up with your hairdresser when she is your mom too might prove to be next to impossible. ;-)
-
Yep.
Though I did bring up today how men compliment me on my color - especially champange blonde roots with ultra light ash blonde highlights - and we're talking men whom are over 80 years old whom normally act like I'm just a fixture. And while she hates the way I do my hair, she seemed more open minded to it today.
Still, I'd love to have someone who is a professional state their opinion. As it stands my only hope of getting my hair done in a fancy place is if either 1: I win a chance in a contest 2: Someone gives me a gift certificate or 3: They want an ordinary plain Jane for a before and after advertising campain. #3 not being likely as I'm fat but then again, since most American women are overweight now adays they might want to show how your hair can make your double chin less noticiable if you go to their salon. -
You can look lovely no matter what your weight Jami. Self confidence projects out to others and gives them a more attractive perception of you.
As to moms and daughters, well, we all have our differences. Your situation is tougher because your mom happens to do your hair and because she has a tendency to make negative comments when you try to put forth your own opinion on the matter of your hair. I have a mom too and yes we do have our differences. With my own daughter I honestly make an effort to take her opinions and views with the seriousness they deserve. She is an adult and, more than that, an adult I had a great deal to do with raising to adulthood. If I can't take her opinions and views seriously, even when they differ from my own, then what kind of job did her Dad and I do in raising her?
I hope things get better with your mom. That she will see you as others obviously see you. (You wouldn't be getting compliments if you were not a lovely young lady.)
Hang in there! -
It is hard. Though if I were to get someone with a big degree to say something in person to her and they agreed with me I know she'd back down and I should talk to a colorist offline in front of her. Like how it was when I'd buy bras - I always bought a DD, she'd insist I was a D and would buy me D-cups, then, I'm sure purposely, my DDs would be destroyed in the wash - going through full cycles with bleach water, dried in the dryer, etc. It wasn't until I was messured by a professional and declared a DDD cup that she backed down.
-
Yikes! Sounds like your mom is a lady with really strong opinions on a lot of things. I hope you will continue to stand up for yourself (in the nicest possible way of course) to your mom. Remind her that she raised you and should be proud that you think for yourself!
-
Yeah, well, she doesn't like the fact I'm fat. So I guess she thought if I was forced to wear bras that were completely uncomfortable I might lose weight.
Of course I really feel she wears the wrong size bras too. She's always in a 36 C and they really dig into her sides and her breasts mushroom over the top. I think she's really a 38 or even a 40 D. After I was messured and I got rid of a lot of my D-cups, she took the ones that were in good shape to wear around the house when doing things like scrubbing the bathroom floors. Even under her trashy scrubbing shirts she looked better in my old bras then her brand new ones. -
Most women wear the wrong size in bras. Amazing.
It is a wise move to go get measured. The right size is much more comfortable. -
Not to insult your mom (a big no-no), but why isn't she on here looking for some support for her opinions--yours (on hair and bras) sound perfectly sound and yet you're the one looking for a professional endorsement:)
-
Because she's techno-phobic. She's convinced just turning the computer on on certain days will give it a horrible virus.
-
I guess I'm just commenting that it seems to me sometimes the people whose opinions are the most sensible are the ones who question said opinions. I know you're not really questioning yours, though, you just want ammo for responding to her. But it just struck me as funny that yours is the one that doesn't seem to need any further justification, it just makes sense.
-
It makes sense to me too. I mean, do you know anyone who's roots come out light and their hair grows darker in response to the sun?
Anyway, we seem to have come to a temporary compromise. I gave my niece (who's been dying her hair kind of a burgandy color) all my medium blonde hair color and bought the champange blonde to do my roots with. I still have a lot of golden and extra light natural blonde to use as well. Though the champange/ultra light ash blonde is my favorite. But it's getting harder and harder to find my hair colors. At least in the Revlon brand. Most places now only seem to carry super dark blondes to black hair colors. Very few carry the lighter blondes - and even then it's in brands I've never had luck with like Clariol.
Howdy, Stranger!
It looks like you're new here. If you want to get involved, click one of these buttons!