Not a Brain here, but I wouldn't think it would damage your hair to condition it every day. My hair is type 2c (wavy/curly) and I condition every day. I use conditioner to wash with each day. Every third day I use shampoo before using the conditioner. I deep condition once a week.
Actually it is my understanding that the curlier your hair is the drier it is. Have you done any research on the naturallycurly.com site? You do have to join but it is free.
It depends on HOW you condition your hair. Rinse out conditioners are the worst - not because of the conditioner itself does any damage but because even just the process of wetting and drying your hair causes the cuticle to expand and contract which can be weakening because it creates radial cracks in the out cuticle layers.
Then, drying your hair always involves some degree of frictional abrasion that can crack and scrape off even more cuticle.
If you're not washing and wetting your hair, leave in conditioners are just fine. At most they require just a little combing to smooth them through your hair.
Well I decided I just could not live with my white hairs anymore because they just make me look washed out and odd (I have a baby face and naturally very dark reddish brown almost black hair). So in February I went for a half head of highlights to lift some colour off my naturally dark hair so it blends better with the white hairs and lessens that contrast. Last week I went for another bout of highlights to touch up the roots a bit - but all it is with highlight "touch ups" is they just highlight your hair all over again, as before, because it is impossible to exactly touchup the roots of those very same strands of hair that they've highlighted before. So now my hair has had double the damage. Well my natural hair normally dries in half an hour max (and I have a short bob that is about 3 inches away from my shoulders). What I've noticed after all this highlighting I've done is that I found it nigh-on impossible to comb through my hair after shampooing without conditioning, without snagging the comb badly and then causing a few strands of hair to be pulled out in the process. So I've had to resort to conditioning my hair now, which I never had to do before when I had natural uncoloured hair.
Unfortunately I also have dry, itchy scalp (as I am a chronic eczema sufferer since childhood) so find that many SLS/Paraben type shampoos just irritate it even more. So now the only shampoo I use is a very mild Halos n Horns shampoo which I've been using for my kids, which doesn't get rid of my itchy scalp completely but keeps the itchiness under control and at least no dandruff. For conditioning I use Johnson's Baby Detangling Conditioner, which works very well at softening and detangling my fried hair. I have tried using L'Oreal Mythic Oil after shampooing without conditioner but found it doesn't do such a great job at detangling unlike the conditioner.
I have to add though that I'm really careful with the towel drying bit. I just blot dry gently and then comb my hair out when it's quite wet. I also can't stand the way my hair develops unsightly curling at the ends (it's always been this way whether natural or coloured) so I blowdry my hair gently to shape it, after leaving my hair to air-dry for about half an hour so that my hair is semi-dry by that time and wouldn't need so much heat to dry it completely. When I blowdry, I only use the lowest heat and power settings on my hairdryer, and only use my fingers to fingercomb and shape hair while directing heat... and I never let the heat linger on any area of hair for more than 2 seconds, I just keep the hairdryer moving constantly.
Well this is what I do and I hope this means my hair can tide it out with further highlighting sessions done every few months or so, before it gets snipped off (which is pretty regularly, since I prefer short hair)...
Oh yes, one of my daughters has a really big, waist-length naturally curly hair - 1.5-inch-wide ringlets all round. If her hair is cut shorter, anything from short to mid-back length, it gets very voluminous like a sort of a "halo" effect around her face, and when it's very long like now, it weighs the volume down a little so it doesn't look like big hair day but just beautiful ringlets. It certainly requires more work to care for, and boy does it get knotty! I don't even bother trying to comb it through when it's dry because first off, she hates it, and secondly, it just makes it look even bigger if the ringlets are separated by the combing! The only time I comb it when it's already dry is on her ballet class day when she has to have neatly plaited or bunned hair - even then I prefer to spritz it down with water first, apply a mousse all over to clump it up so there are no flyaways, and then comb through and plait/bun.
Okay with regards to haircare regime for her type of hair, I find there is no need to wash it daily. When I do shampoo it (usually once every 2 days unless she has been rolling round on the ground outdoors), I always follow up with conditioner. A gentle shampoo and a gentle baby conditioner. I fingercomb her hair while the conditioner's still on, and then when most of the tangles are gone, I shower it off, fingercombing it all the time as I rinse, to keep it tangle free. Then the drying bit - only very gentle blotting, no tugging or rubbing or it will worsen the tangles more. Comb through with a large tooth comb afterwards, and it dries nicely that way. I can't see any other way of styling her hair and combing through it without the knots if I do not condition. I might try a hair oil though... Perhaps you can try it too.
Microfiber towels are great for blotting hair dry Rachelm. Your daughter's hair sounds lovely. And it sounds like you have it pretty much figured out how to take care of it. How wonderful for her to have a mom who is teaching her to work WITH the texture of her hair instead of fighting it all the time!
Have you ever tried using coconut oil to deep condition your hair? It might help with some of the issues you have with dryness from processing.
I have considered coconut oil but... I have known several people who have used it on their hair and it really stinks of soured milk... I'm not so sure about the smell really. That said, if it only just smelled of just coconut - the sweet natural coconutty smell, not the sour smell - I'd give it a go. I'm not sure though if you can get coconut oil that doesn't smell sour afterwards. I do have a hair wax which has a fragrance in it that smells like coconut and I love the smell - but I guess it might be a synthetic scent as it doesn't go sour.
I know the L'Oreal Mythic Oil I have has avocado oil and grapeseed oil in apart from lubricants. I wonder if other natural oils that have a more pleasant or neutral smell would work just as well as coconut? I have heard of people using extra virgin olive oil but I'm not that keen on the smell on my hair either (but I love it on my food),
It smells like coconut. No sour smell at all. There is an expiration date on the jar but a jar has never lasted me long enough to get past the expiration date.
I have tried using a mix of the two and found that together they are too heavy for my hair. So I continue to deep condition my hair with coconut oil and clean my face with extra virgin olive oil.