Ahh, cosmetic ads from the ’70′s. How do we love thee? Let us count the ways…

This ad proudly proclaims that women who use Pantene don’t look like they need it. We see their point. This woman doesn’t look like she needs Pantene. She looks like she needs an eye doctor. On the bright side, at least the orthodontist finished with her before the photographer got there. This looks more like an ad for Crest White Strips than Pantene!)

Fine Print

This is also another one of those ads where you have to read the fine print to fully appreciate it. It says “each product contains Pantene’s unique Swiss Conditioner,” which as the asterisk tells us, is made in the USA. Ahh, God bless Madison Avenue’s advertising army!

Sarah Bellum says:

It’s MY turn to play one of Mid Brain’s favorite games: Actual Cosmetic Ads from the Past!

It’s a Beauty Brains feature we haven’t done in a while: We find actual ads for beauty care products and post them for your amusement. I found this ad for Mary Quant Cosmetics, a line of products from the ’70s that’s gotta be dead by now. (You just don’t see much Quant these days.) Anyway, this particular ad is apparently a reference to Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden.

In Quant’s version, however, there’s no snake in the garden. Just an obscene amount of mascara, eyeliner, blush, lipstick, and nail polish. And that’s just what Adam is wearing! We’re not sure how turning the “original man” into a tacky cross-dresser with bad fashion sense would make us want to buy Mary Quant’s products, but hey, it was the ’70s. Just make sure your nail polish matches your fruit and you’re good to go.

For our U.S. readers who are celebrating the 4th of July, here’s a patriotic-themed post. Take a look at these 1970′s perfume ads.

The first is for “Moon Drops: Not imported From Anywhere. It’s simply out of this world.”

The second is for “Norell: The First Great Perfume Born in America.”

Do you notice anything that they have in common? (Besides their sheer 1970′s-ishness, that is.)

Apparently the advertising for both these products was designed to combat the “Only foreign nations like France can make great perfume” misconception that ruled the fragrance industry until the late 1970s.

• Discount Perfume
• Jennifer Lopez Perfume
• DKNY Perfume
• Versace Perfume
• Men`s Cologne
• Fendi Cologne

Certainly this notion seems out of date today when one considers how many American “born” fragrances dominate the sales charts.

But isn’t a little bit odd how these anti-foreign fragrance ads from 30 years ago predict the anti-immigration debate in the U.S. that’s raging through today’s headlines?

Are these ads a fragrant foreshadowing of things to come almost 40 years later??

Could they prove to be perfumed prognostications of future world events???

Nawww, not really. The Right Beauty Brain just thought they’d make a cool post.

In a previous post we told you about the real Max Factor, the chemist behind the famous cosmetic brand. Here’s a picture of him with one of his less successful cosmetic creations, the “Beauty Micrometer.”

Somehow I don’t think this will make our list of beauty gadgets that really work.

Is it just me, or does woman look like that creepy Hellraiser character?

Thanks to the gals at Ask The Blondes for tipping us off to this one.

What’s the most painful or uncomfortable thing you’ve done in the name of beauty? Leave a comment and share your story with the Beauty Brains community.

Can someone please explain this product to me?

Lusidina 18K Gold Nurse Whitener Nose Mask.

It’s new from Guangzhou Danjia Cosmetics in China and it claims to “penetrate into skin around the nose area removing dirt, grease, blackheads and ageing skin.” It also provides whitening nourishment” whatever that is.

It’s made with the finest Yulan oil, pure fresh milk, vitamin E, vegetable protein, collagen, arbutin and dangerously high levels of lead. (Ok, I made up the part about lead but the rest is true). Normally I’d stop here to comment on the obvious ridiculousness of the ingredients but right now I’m having trouble even getting past the name: Lusidina 18K Gold Nurse Whitener Nose Mask.

Nose mask?

Ok, I get that part. I can even sort of grasp the concept of a whitening nose mask. Heck, who wouldn’t want a whiter nose!

18K Gold?

This is a mystery to me. The product doesn’t contain gold. It’s not like gold has a long historical association with nasal care. Gold doesn’t even smell good! And for God’s sake, why not use 24K gold?

Nurse?

Now you’ve really lost me. WHY is the spokesmodel for this product a nurse? By virtue of their occupation are nurses more prone to unsightly nose darkening? And why are her breasts trying to escape from her uniform?

Lusidina?

Is that the nurse’s name?

We may never know all the answers to these hard hitting questions, but I can tell you this for sure: If I’m ever in the hospital and I see a large-breasted nurse with a hyper-pigmented nose and a flair for expensive jewelry, I know what product I’d recommend for her. Is it Meladerm? Hylexin? Meladerm? No. It’s Lusidina 18K Gold Nurse Whitener Nose Mask!